Part 3 of BU Hatred Week, and one of my favorites. A 2003 Heights column. Enjoy!
Sucks to Be You: One man's call for self-exploration
By: Tim Czerwienski
"By 1 a.m. Sunday, it was clear that, according to Boston University students, Boston College and vacuum cleaners are quite similar - they both suck, but at least BU students have a use for vacuum cleaners."
This was the first paragraph of the lead story in the Sept. 29th edition of BU's student newspaper, the Daily Free Press.
The story was the DFP's coverage of Midnight Mania, an event celebrating the kickoff of the college hockey season. Why the BC hatred on the front page? Some might call it shoddy journalism. Others might call it petty and childish banter. Not me. For me, it's the last straw.
In only a year at BC, I've been subjected to more unfounded, stupid, inane chatter from BU students than I'd care to even recall. Anti-BC rhetoric is expected at hockey games. It's less expected on the street. It's downright out of place in the pages of a newspaper.
That doesn't stop the students of BU from printing useless drivel, like this staff editorial piece that ran before last year's Beanpot: "we here at the ol' Free Press present to you some reminders of why it's not just okay, but actually your duty as a citizen, to hate Newton Community College. The brown stain at the end of the Green Line might boast about its grassy fields and open campus. But really, they're just being selfish. Why not donate their ample land to an institution that could really enjoy it, like a nursing home?... Boston College is just all-around bad. The hockey team sucks, the campus sucks and their values suck.
"Newton Community College? Give me a break. For the newspaper of a university that would sell its soul to even crack the US News Top 50 to refer to BC as "Newton Community College" is preposterous. If we're Newton Community College, what does that make BU in comparison? I know. Allston Daycare Center.
The brown stain at the end of the Green Line? Get a campus. Who wants to go to school in the most non-descript, useless neighborhood in Boston? Good luck wading through the river of filth that emanates from Fenway Park after a Sox game.
The hockey team sucks? Nonsense. Beanpot aside, we still beat BU more times than we didn't last season. And we buried them behind Providence for fifth place in last year's Hockey East standings. And we're only two seasons removed from the most thorough drubbing of a conference in recent memory. Perhaps BU doesn't remember the 2000-01 season, when BC won the Hockey East regular season, Hockey East Tournament, Beanpot, and national championship. BU's players were probably sitting down on the bench crying like whiny babies while Brian Gionta and company totally dehumanized them on the ice.
Values? What about John Sabo, the BU forward who was indicted for aggravated assault with a shod foot after he stomped on someone's head outside a local dive? And what about the headline grabbing West Campus Masturbator, who made a habit of storming into young ladies' rooms and playing a little pocket hockey before fleeing? These are but a few members of BU's pantheon of moral and scrupulous students.
BU pales in comparison to BC in almost every other sport. Here's a quick fact: Joilet Junior College has a football team, but BU doesn't.
BU plays basketball in the anemic, impotent, borderline Division III America East Conference. Vermont represented this unconference in the NCAA tournament last season. BC battles with the likes of UConn and Notre Dame while BU is piddling around playing Binghamton and Hartford.
I'm not the only one who thinks that BU is nothing. For instance, here's a quote from the Dartmouth Review: "If you want to pay for a school with Ivy League pretensions but community college atmosphere, then Boston University just might be the place for you."
Or this quote, from a BU graduate's posting on studentsreview.com: "Personally if I had it to do all over again I would go to UMass or some other school. I would definitely not go to BU. Nor would I go there for any graduate work and if I have any children I would never subject them to it either."
BU is like the younger, uglier, scrawnier, and clumsier kid that lived down the block from you in your youth. Sure, you were better than him in school, and at wiffle ball, and at football, and at getting girls, and at life. But boy, could he kick your ass in Dungeons and Dragons. Until you learned the rules, and totally ruined him at that, too.
Let's face facts. BU is nothing compared to BC. They're taught from before their freshman year to hate because, quite honestly, they're just smart enough to realize they can never be us.
Some people say that this hatred is just a harmless inferiority complex. We should pity BU, perhaps even take them under our wing as a mentor.
Never. Never again will I ever acknowledge those one-note jokes as even remotely deserving to be mentioned in the same paragraph as a legitimate institution like BC. The next time you hear a chant like "BC Sucks," remember the probable source (a hateful, weak-willed zilch), and act accordingly.
This column isn't a complaint. It's a call to arms. It's time to stop shrugging off the soupy dreck that spews forth from the mouths of BC haters. It's time to fight back. Just remember: Beanpots come and go, but it will always, ALWAYS, suck to BU.
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